The blame game

Updated: May 8

Louis Brewster was a school-going adolescence who lived with his mother, who was divorced from her husband. His mother worked as a customer service manager in a large travel company. Because of the lack of consensus with the husband and the ego issue prevailed between them, they divorced. His mother was alleged to be in affair with her Boss as some days in a week she did not come to home. Louis did not receive the affection of his mother or father properly from an early age. On the contrary, from an early age he grew up listening to his parents' arguments, stubbornness, and blaming each other. A longing for love lingered in his mind for days. During his Eleventh grade of schooling, he got an affection from his classmate Jesse. While he did not get the love and affection either from mother or father, the affection of the friend made a huge impact on him. He spent most of his time talking and entertaining with Jesse. As the days went by it created in him a possessiveness of "her love is only for him". If Jesse talked or laughed at anyone other than himself (boy or girl), he smashed them up. Jessica did not like or encourage that. So, she avoided associating with him many times. This caused him to have a different sceptical attitude. He could not bear it. In desperation, he went so far as to kill her. This is called Othello Syndrome. In Shakespeare's story “Othello: The Moor of Venice”, it reflects this attitude in the hero Othello. Iago is violent character about being overlooked for promotion; he hates Othello his General, the Moor of Venice and plots to take revenge against him. He devises a plan to destroy him by making him to believe that his wife Desdemona is having an affair with his lieutenant, Michael Cassio. Believing his words, Othello gets suspicion, murders Desdemona, and then kills himself.

This type of psychological disposition can now be seen in late teenagers of ages between 15 and 19. Students who are disregarded or overly reprimanded by their parents or spoken negatively by their parents show their perverse intellect by thinking of their peers in school or college as a drain to show their anger. Ragging is the expression of this inferiority complex. Thus it is a trivial pleasure for them. That is, sadistic tendency to persecute others. Other than this, cultural depravities such as Homosexual Relationships, Immoral Relationships (before marriage in school or college life), Group raping, Addiction to drugs, Desensitization of guilt and Adolescence crimes are happening in the society. For all that, parents are fully responsible but they are just playing the “Blame Game” between them passing the onus to each other. Every parent both father and mother have their own responsibility and legitimacy morally to care their children whether they are going on the right path. Some of the parents are the worst role models to their children by lust, smoking, drinking, egoism, jealousy, immoral relationship, corruption, domination, scolding each other in bad words and other ruthless activities. Pleasure is important but much important is from which it comes. I planned to discuss about these parental sins in different topics but I don’t want to cover all these in this book as I feel that “Everyone knows what is good and what is bad according to their conscience and for heaven sake.”

“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.” (Proverbs 21:2)

Don’t justify yourself for a response of "It's not my fault" with your kids. Curb their bad habit of blaming others and making excuses.

But I can say here, Homosexual Relationship, Immoral Relationship before or after marriage, sexual abuse of children, Divorces due to EGO, improper care of children and Abortions are abhorrent sins against God.

Parenting is not an easy “Job” as doing officially, but it’s a painful liability that we are answerable to the children and to this society for any misbehaviour that our children do or learned from us. Our kids are maturing amid a culture in which people no longer own their choices, words or actions, a culture in which there’s always someone to blame for why they do what they do.

Product is important, but process is more important. Destination is important, but journey is more important.

This blame game started from our first parents. When they were rebuked by God for their disobedience, Adam put the blame on Eve and subsequently Eve put the blame on the snake. (Genesis 3:12-13).

Thirteen suggestions for good parenting: 1) Love and care the children as much they needed (Don’t try to show much) 2) Rebuke, advise the children and punish if necessary (Don’t damage their prestige) 3) Fulfil their necessities (Don’t grow them in abundance of luxury) 4) Be aware of their every movement (But don’t be suspicious always) 5) Be a good role model with best conducts (at least good conducts) – Children are mirror 6) Don’t argue or fight before children 7) Don’t try to be a judge in family 8) Share a mutual and prosperous communication in family 9) Children are not drains to pour your official or personal anger or stress. 10) Guide your children to taken their responsibility 11) Explain them the choices and consequences (What is good and bad and its result) 12) Allow them to challenge the pains of life in the moral way 13) Inspire family incl. children to read Psalms & Proverbs daily.

“Best conduct is better than the best product you wish to give to your children.” I want to highlight here some lines of Dorothy Law Nolte’s inspirational poem, "Children Learn What They Live,"

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive. If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, they learn patience. If children live with praise, they learn appreciation. If children live with acceptance, they learn to love. Now we can see the Bible verses about good parenting and blame game “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” (Proverbs 29:15) “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” (Proverbs 29:17)

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127:3-5) “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4) “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they

become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:2)

“Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil.” (Ecclesiastes 8:11)

“When a man's folly brings his way to ruin, his heart rages against the Lord.” (Proverbs 19:3)

“Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it.” (Proverbs 15:16)

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